How trash are men – Let me count the ways…

If you’re going to dismiss the #MenAreTrash movement because you feel you don’t abuse your wife and therefore not all men are trash, I would like you to unfriend me

If you don’t know what it’s like to constantly look over your shoulder while walking to your car in the parking lot, with your keys in your hand, or your pepper spray ready to attack, hou jou bek

If you don’t have the need (fueled by fear) to share your Uber trip with at least 2 people, because you can’t trust anyone, hou jou bek

If you don’t have to let your friends know that you made it home safely, hou jou bek

If you’ve never changed your trip or gotten out at a friend’s house because you don’t want someone finding out where you live, hou jou bek

If you don’t have to worry about going to the toilet alone coz no one is gonna follow you, druk you vas, try to do anything to or with you, hou jou bek

If you don’t have to limit your jogging to busy / peak times, coz you’d probably be safer when there are more people around you, hou jou bek

If you’ve never had to give a fake number because the asker was so persistent, hou jou bek

If you’ve never had to pretend to be besties with a complete stranger just to avoid sitting alone and having men harass you, hou jou bek

If you think I think men are trash because no one wants to date me / because I’m single, then please reevaluate your life, and also our friendship

If you think I’m gonna sit still, keep quiet, not call you out on your bullshit, think again

If you expect me to pander to your needs, protect your ego, tell you that you aren’t trash because you are my friend or you’re dating my friend, hahaha

If you don’t see how men are trash, then maybe you need to consider that perhaps you are part of the problem. Because if you’re not helping to solve a problem, then what are you doing?

Everytime you laugh at your friend’s kak jokes about rape and kidnapping.. (“he’s just joking man, he won’t really do that”)

Everytime you encourage your friend to chise the kin that is “rejecting” him.. (“nai bra, she’s just playing hard to get, kinnes do that. She does smaak you, she will gran you”)

Everytime you encourage or persuade a ‘yes’ when she is screaming no.. (I don’t want your free drink! I don’t want to give you my number! I don’t want to be your friend! I just want you to let me enjoy my night out in peace! )

Everytime you keep quiet when your brasse are misogynistic and chauvinist.. (“Boys will be boys” “that’s how men are”

And even worse when you excuse or apologize for his behaviour.. (“he didn’t mean it like that”)

When you don’t want to raise girl children in this world “because you know how boys are”…

Then you are part of the problem…
Then you are also trash..

And if you’re vinnig to jump on your perdjie when you hear #MenAreTrash, my friend, buy soema two pairs of those shoes since they fit so well..

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So, just quickly…

Ai fam

I forgot to update ya…

That relationship lasted all of 4 months, and now homeboy is seeing someone else..

I’ll try my best to not post soppy sad heartbroken blogs, and do a little more reflective, lessons learnt kind of thing…

Sorry it took so long, I was trying to work things out and he was just not. So my first lesson is, “if it doesn’t open, it’s not your door, and it’s OK…”

I promise you I’ll be ok..

The bar is in hell…

In fact, the bar does not even exist anymore. I’m not sure when chivalry died, but it must have been before my time (RIP). And by ‘my’, I mean the generation of women who have accepted the mediocrity that is MEN.

(Please note, I’m writing this as a pseudo-millennial, and not on behalf of the countless prior generations who upheld the patriarchy).

I see these tweets and memes about how we’ll give our all to a man who merely texts back, as if that is not the least amount of effort he could possibly make for us. We don’t hold men to any standards anymore. We don’t expect anything from them, yet we celebrate and rejoice when they give us even just a “hello” … FAM PLZ.

Can we please revise our standards framework? Can we please adjust our checklists and boxes that we require men to tick? CAN WE RESPECT OURSELVES, PLEASE, AS WOMEN?

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

I’m part of this “the bar is in hell” subset, because even me, I have somehow forgotten my worth and what I deserve. I lost sight of myself, and now any little something from a man is a wow for me.1

WOW PLS

I can only speak for myself, but I’d like to speak to all women. Please value yourselves higher and demand that men pay you the necessary respect. Let them celebrate YOU. Let them struggle to reach bar, because it’s so damn high. Because we are worth it. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________

1 Deep-seeded insecurity notwithstanding

Note to self

I’m so proud of you, you know.

You are fearless and independent; and fully capable of conquering the world by your god-damn self. I just sometimes wish you weren’t such a big, needy baby. LOL

You make shit happen, whatever it takes, however long it takes, whatever sacrifices you gotta make.

I just wish you’d apply this to other aspects of your life. Do you know how great you would be if you applied the same vigour to some personal spaces as you did to travelling?

I’m also very glad that you are finally at peace with yourself, that you can go away to a foreign destination and not fall apart at the thought of being alone.

You’ve come along way, my love, and you’re not even in your final form.

You’re amazing!

I love you❤

I went on holiday to Bali, call that a #BaliDay 

4 airports and 37 hours later, I’m finally checked in to my (hotel) bed..

[Ya girl is too tired to do anything tonight, forgive]

There’s always been something magical about travelling… y’all know this seed was planted in my heart many years ago, and it’s always been my favourite one to nurture.

Travelling tests you in ways that normal life can’t… testing your patience, testing your resiliance, testing your adaptability.. things you *know* you can do at home…

At home, you know exactly how much the taxi will cost you; at home you know when the gaartjie is skelm with your change; you know the currency and how much to tip so that you aren’t caught off guard tipping a stupid man 10$ (that’s one hundred rand, fam! I don’t evens tip the car guards at Tygervalley that much!)

It’s even a greater test to travel solo. Can you, as a single female, roam foreign streets without looking like an obvious target for bamboozling? LOL!

My #BaliDay has commenced, and while a part of me wishes that I wasn’t alone (I love having company to share and make memories with me); the overwhelming part of me is grateful that I can afford to travel; grateful that I love my own company; and grateful that I am not a complete shambles in Indonesian streets.

I’ll let you know how this pans out.. lol!

Mans (not) not hot

Sometimes, when we’re not even paying attention, the universe answers all the questions we’ve ever dared ask.

 

You may have noticed that I haven’t blogged in a long time.

 

I have not, since the Great Whatsapp-Block of 2017, written anything about men.

 

Why, doth you ask?

 

Well, I’ve found a new one, and he makes me incredibly happy, and therefore I no longer need to throw tantrums about how men ain’t shit!

Oh, wait, is that not the theme of my blog? HAHAHA coulda fooled me.

 

I’ll tell you about him again, tho.

 

How me makes me laugh. I mean, proper laugh, where there’s no sound coming out of my mouth, and lots of tears rolling out of my eyes.

And about his hugs…warm, strong, safe. I once googled “the warmest, safest place in the world” but Homie’s Arms is not on google maps 😛

 

Mind you, this one is a tinder match. Finally, a success story I can write about. Hehe.

 

I’m incredibly happy, and as soon as I can get a moment to drag myself away from that man’s lips, I’ll tell you about it (**,)

You know what, actually…

Following my outburst on brasse, and the universe subtweeting me; herewith a list of relationships that make me incredibly happy; and make me feel good about life and better about being single. These people. Them. They are the ones❤

1. My sister
‘If I were an only child, I would be a lonely child’
My sister is truly one of my closest friends – I don’t know how many of you can say that. She is my favourite plus one. A formidable 30 seconds team; an iconic duo!

2. My cousins
I don’t see them all the time. In fact, 2 of them live abroad. But when I do get a chance to see these faces, my heart just bursts. From catching up on each other’s lives, talking about our futures, and reminiscing on our past; the cousins always have a good time together. We drink, we laugh, we tease. But all it is, is love. Pure love.

3. My awesome fivesome / honourable members / football zone
This group of friends has celebrated the best of times and carried me thru the worst of times. This is a 2-decade strong friendship, and even tho our respective whatsapp chat groups get a bit irritating (die mense hou nie op praat’ie!) I will love them til my dying day
(Nigel, may your beautiful soul rest in peace. I love you forever, my friend❤)

4. Dane and Ilse
Everytime I visit with these two, my mind is blown. Every. Single. Time! I learn so much, about life, from them. From simple things like cheese, to difficult things like wetlands and silk worms, to incredible things like our purpose in the universe. Mad mad mad love for these 2.

5. Twitter
Wow. My heart just sings when I think about the incredible friendships I’ve made on twitter. The most amazing people with witty banter and big hearts. The most encouraging, supportive bunch of people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing / interacting with. They give me laughs. They give me life.

I’m going to single out some twitter folk, because even tho they are all equal, some are more equal than others.
But here’s no order here.

Muneera – you are me and I am you and I have so much respect and admiration for you. Your shambles give me life and I’m so glad our paths have crossed. You are truly an inspiration. You may be your own downfall but you’re my muse – John Legend musn’t still wys.

Samantha – my biggest cheerleader and voice of reason. What would I do without your smart mouth?

Sloan (Stu) and Chanelle – my bitches. Lol. They give me so much shade, but I know it’s love, lol.

Darron – my eigine parking paypoint. A fave, if you will. Every morning, you and God breathe new life into me. Reminding me of my awesome and entertaining me with the circus. I am so glad I could reconnect with you.

Olivia and Carryn-Ann – my original girlcrushes; again, ware inspirations. You both have kept me sane at a time I thought I was losing my mind; en dit oor ‘n glasie witwyn, want julle ken my mos al lank. Lol.

Fam, that previous post (the subtweet) was so very true. Love does not have to be from a man you’re sleeping with to make it real. These friendships have shown me what real love is. True, pure, unconditional love.

Which brings me to my best, most favourite relationship. With myself. Listen, this is (was ma always) my hardest relationship. Me and this kin, we fight A LOT but I have never loved anyone more than I love her. She is amazing. She is smart, witty, funny, cute. She makes me laugh, all of the time (guys I laugh at my own jokes please I’m my favourite)
But she doesn’t always realise how amazing she is. She thinks other people need to love her before she can love herself. She’s versin, this girl.

Liezl. My darling. You are enough. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise ❤